worry is not preparation

modflowers: worry is not preparationSomeone once gave me this pearl of wisdom: worry is not preparation.

I know it to be true.

But unfortunately, despite knowing the pointlessness of worrying about stuff that will happen whatever, and that actually isn’t even bad, just necessary, my mind has been ignoring this truth and turning things over in a most unhelpful way.

I always used to feel dread at going back to school after the big holidays. I seem to be revisiting those days at the moment.

That back to school feeling is looming large.

modflowers: worry is not preparationYes, I have a lot to do after the holidays are over.

But instead of making practical plans as to how I’m going to get stuff done and getting on with life, I am waking in the middle of the night or early morning to chew things over pointlessly, a feeling of dread gnawing at my insides.

If anyone has any tips for dealing with insomnia, I would be grateful if you would share them.

Because feeling sleep-deprived really does nothing at all for my confidence in my ability to achieve what I want to achieve.

Although actually, at the moment I’m not even sure just what that is any more.

big bold scandi fabricNew year is like back to school with big brass knobs on.

I seem to be full of fear of the unknown. And full of doubt at my ability to find my way through it to the future.

I have started to feel guilty about not blogging my way through Christmas. Despite the fun of just living and enjoying real life, undocumented.

As a result of getting out of the blogging habit (writing just doesn’t happen without a measure of solitude, I find) I have become unsure where to go next with my blogging, my making, and even life generally.

Should we move house? Should I look for a job? Should I write a business plan? What should I make now? What should my resolutions for the New Year be?

My inspiration seems to have somewhat deserted me along with my blogging habit…

modflowers: worry is not preparationOne thing’s for sure, introspection can be a double-edged thing.

Others seem to be full of inspiration, motivation and resolution at this time of year. Alive with plans and fresh starts.

Whilst it’s good to take stock, to stop and look both backward and forward before marching onward into the future, it can also be paralysing.

So does anyone else feel like this at the fulcrum of the New Year?

Or is it just me? ♥

16 thoughts on “worry is not preparation

  1. Familiar stuff! ?How to unlock the paralysis that leads to such worry and sleeplessness – I find a good method is not to try to make the big plans which can seem so daunting, but to do something insignificant, easy and fun or even ‘automatic’ and then the bigger things gradually come clearer, even do-able. Like washing up the pretty china plates as you mull over the lovely meal, and leaving the burnt pans to soak until the end when the soapy water will have done its work! I sometimes just do a tracing for a design, or paint a simple little stripe or dot – one thing tends to lead to another…
    By the way – it’s nice to get your blog again but I admired you for giving it a rest over Christmas and concentrating on family matters and especially time with your sister.

    • Thanks Sarah! Very helpful advice.
      I think I’m fretting as my sis has left for a while to go skiing now and I feel I should be getting on with stuff, but we have a long-arranged trip away this weekend so I can’t. Then next week I’ve been called up for jury service!

      • You’re welcome – you can do something tiny in the time before you go – it’s amazing what can be achieved in just a few minutes – and jury service – what a big dislocating interruption (however important) – no wonder you can’t get on with other things! Good luck with it all, this new year focus can really be a nuisance.

  2. Oh I know this feeling so well. I think the break from our creative lives always does this and my fear is always what if my creativity doesn’t return and who would miss it anyway etc etc. I have been waking in the early hours too and these negative thoughts fill my head space. Having your Sis over has been joyful but of course it means having to watch her leave again…..I know that feeling well too. I also know that you have to take a break sometimes and just let it be! Things come to us when we stop looking and when they do we will know what to do…..until then breathe and stop beating yourself up!……oh if only I could take my own advice!!!……big thank you for sharing these feelings with us xx

    • Thank you so much for taking the time and trouble to leave your thoughts! So good to know that I’m not alone!
      Sometimes when everyone else in the internet world seems to be on a positive high it can feel a bit strange to be the only one not feeling it!
      I also hope that you are able to take your own advice … here’s to a new year of creativity and positivity… even if it’s taking a while to get started! x

      • Also, try making something for yourself or your home…..that takes pressure off of “will anyone like it” worries. I am currently covering a lampshade in tiny French partridge feathers!!! Back in the zone!….

  3. Oh I know just how you feel…there is so much potential in a new year, but the weight of expectation and hope can feel heavy and more like a burden than a blessing. Take your time, relax…decisions that need to be made will make themselves soon enough, if you allow your heart to do the talking. I think maybe you feel scared because you are in a position where if you put a lot of work into your business it could grow quite big quite fast…it would scare me too, but remember that you make things because you love to…and that is why people love the things that you make; the love that you put into them is there to see. Maybe you owe it to yourself to take a leap and see if you can fly….xxx

      • I know, I am just the same…though fear of failure and fear of success are 2 sides of the same coin I think…good luck with your sister going home and the jury service, I’m sure once all that’s out of the way everything else will feel easier. xxx

  4. Hi. I don’t have any fabulous or insightful words of wisdom or advice, but I do resonate with your feelings of anxiety about being out of sync with those around you. There is such expectation around xmas and new year and it can be profoundly painful if one does not share the excitement. For many years I lived on the opposite side of the world from my family, and while I so loved it when we saw each other, I found it terribly unsettling when it was getting near to time for them to leave. It’s hard to be so far away from those we love, particularly when one has just spent time renewing the connection.
    What works for me is to keep breathing and engage in lots of self soothing activities, whatever they may be for you (for me they might be walking the dogs, sitting and knitting, having a bath). No pressure. Thinking of you.

  5. One of my resolutions this year is to stop comparing myself to others – and to remember that we are bombarded with highlight reels – most of the time we don’t see the struggles everyone is dealing with. I think social media is both a blessing and a curse – for me I need to pull back and turn it off – and allow myself time to create. You might like this blog post by a fabulous writer – I found it very helpful: http://www.saspetherick.com/2013/10/the-one-thing-you-must-do/
    Be kind to yourself xxx

  6. Someone once said to me that the best time to make resolutions or rather plans is in August when you are feeling energised and its sunny and there are is zero expectation from anyone else! I cant get over the habit that I should be doing it before the start of the financial year however….. and of course once you start planning the future it becomes fun…its the getting started that is the tough bit!

  7. You know what? I wouldn’t worry too much about what other people are planning around this time of year..What’s important is to focus on the things you enjoy doing and the ones you’re good at and the rest will come to you in due time. New Years resolutions sometimes last less than a month..take it one step at a time and I’m sure by the end of this year you will have accomplished plenty. Keep blogging!

  8. I usually find New Year’s Eve a rather depressing time, but the last two years I decided to look forward to the new year instead of dwelling too much. I’ve done alright with that. However, I had a hard time letting go of my ‘babies’ this morning. I wish they didn’t have to go back to school. And now I’m failing in my attempt to get something done (unless you count checking my instagram feed and whatnot

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