<\/a>I had to do something horrible today.\u00a0Something that filled me with dread and self-doubt.<\/p>\n

I procrastinated as long as possible, but eventually had to just get on with it.<\/p>\n

I’m doing a thing that requires me to submit a photograph of myself – for publication.\u00a0Not a holiday snap, a\u00a0proper<\/em>\u00a0photo.<\/p>\n

I put on some make-up and enlisted my partner’s help. He is a man of many talents.\u00a0Unfortunately, it transpired that portrait photography isn’t really one of them.<\/p>\n

So it was a case of balancing the camera on top of a teetering pile of furniture, propping it up with books and getting to grips with the self-timer, before the light faded.<\/p>\n

Once I’d stopped chopping off\u00a0the top of my head and sitting like I had something wrong with my back, I had to work out how stop my hands from looking enormous. (Easy – edit them out altogether).<\/p>\n

<\/a>After that<\/em> was sorted, I took another batch. In which, in my increasingly desperate attempts to look natural, I mostly ended up looking a bit demented.<\/p>\n

Eventually I managed to produce a couple of usable pictures. But boy, was it a struggle.<\/p>\n

I know it’s very easy to be self-critical and to dislike one’s own appearance, but… there’s something about seeing myself in photos that always comes as a bit of a shock.<\/p>\n

I’m just so much older<\/em> on camera, and therefore, I guess, in real life, than I am inside my own head.\u00a0What does that say about me, I wonder? That I haven’t grown up? That I’m vain? That I dislike getting older? Possibly all three.<\/p>\n

Perhaps one day my self-image will reconcile itself with my actual appearance. Or perhaps not.<\/p>\n

But until it does, I think the search for a selfie will continue to be a bit of a struggle.\u00a0\u2665<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I had to do something horrible today.\u00a0Something that filled me with dread and self-doubt. I procrastinated as long as possible, but eventually had to just get on with it. I’m doing a thing that requires me to submit a photograph … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"in search of a selfie","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","enabled":false}}},"categories":[19,13],"tags":[42,1603,956,957],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"yoast_head":"\n